You know you really don’t have to ask me how I’m doing, especially if you don’t care to know the answer. If you can’t stand not to be acknowledged there are other ways to get my attention, like just saying hi, I hope you’re having a good day. Then in that scenario I don’t get trapped into thinking you want to know how my day is going. I’m kind of funny like that, if you ask me how I’m doing, I’ll most likely tell you. Off course we all know I am long winded. You see I may tell you how I feel and what I think. Then I may tell you how I feel about feeling the way I do, which may not be the same thing. Then I may tell you what I think about my feelings and the feeling I have about my feelings. You could see how this can get a little extended not to mention complicated. The point is you will have to really like me, love me or really want to know.

Now the reason I am giving you this advice is I learned a lot of things during my long years of chronic illness and more recently these last few months in recovery. I first had to learn what people were trying to accomplish before I got the hang of it. People may be asking how you are but they really could mean one of the following:

• Please tell me you are ok.           
• Let me off the hook.
• You are taking too long to get it together.
• What are you doing still sick, or broke or messed up, or whatever.
• Please don’t ask me anything or anymore

People teach you a lot even when they don’t intend it, so I learned a little from people that wanted to be acknowledged but didn’t really care for an answer or all the drama. There are ways of pulling this off with a little help.  I want to pass on some tips to some of you that are less skilled in the art of insensitivity. Instead of asking someone how they are doing, when you don’t really care to know do the following:

• The praise slip: Say, “I thank God you are doing so well”, no one can complain after that.
• The indirect: Say, “I have been asking about you”, means I already know what going on spare me!
  
• The switch: Say, “You just don’t know what I have been going through!”  It means see if you can top that! Oh by the way some people will try so be careful with this one.
• The time lock: Say, I’ve been so busy, only have a minute now but what’s up with you? It means I am on the clock and only want the high points so don’t waste my time!

Well look at that! I’m not through with the list yet and out of space, so I got to run but I’m sure you get my drift. Just think on your feet and you could master these and even come up with a few of your own. After all we are in the modern world, a world which revolves around us, we going places, and don’t have the time. The trick is not to be the one in need because even to the political class your needs only serves to empower the power players. Now since brotherly love and all that is out and no one is really listening anymore, more and more people who are going through real tough times, are learning to say, Oh, I’m a’ight! I know I am.

“It’s just a thought!”

EF

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