Recently I attended an event which made me very uncomfortable but which I felt compelled to attend.  I think a lot of people there would have preferred if I had not attended but there were those who were happy to see me and was glad I came.  You see there were people there with whom I have experienced conflict in the past, and while we are all cool now, I could not help but reflect on my role in the matter.  I happened to be the one in authority at the time and my poor example, ignorance and leadership skills led to much harm.  Looking back and seeing how they have matured and survived over the years helped me gain some perspective.  Things are never what they seem at first!

It is a dangerous thing to assign motives to people, because as much as you think you know what is going on within a person, there is always a chance you can be wrong.  I know from being judged often over the years that people have been more wrong than right in their assessment of my motives.  What I was not open to, is the idea that my perceptions of other people may be just as skewed.  Unaware of my keen attention to their conduct I watch these people from my past go about what was set before them with great determination and passion.  I had to admit they were motivated by an excellent spirit and had done well over the years.  I felt a sense of regret that we would never be close again even if all is forgiven and most forgotten.  For a long moment I missed what might have been, the years we lost and the road not taken.

I pondered my part of the responsibility for all that had happened.  I found myself sinking deep into the pit of regret, blame and shame.  I prayed that God would forgive me then because all my confessions before were void of untarnished responsibility for the events of the past.  I came to the realization that I had cheated a lot of people by my lack of understanding than by my original sin.  Love does not really mean never having to say I am sorry; for we are incapable of living on that desirable plain, it means being willing to say I am sorry when we are wrong without begrudging the offended party the gift of validation.  It is overcoming the blindness which selfishness produces to keep us from giving worth to other people’s pain and need. It is not trivializing the very real or perceived injury people feel and for which they feel entitled to regress.  I wondered what might have been if I have the maturity to offer those virtues so many years ago.

They did not look cheated though there were still signs here and there of discomfort.  It was a condition only of my own making; my own heart.  I felt eaten up by sorrow and my self-esteem begun to stagger under the weight of my conviction.  So I prayed and prayed again until I suddenly realized they were doing okay, doing right and doing well.  They were at work in the Kingdom and so was I.  True we were not working together, but like Paul and Barnabas, we were both at work in the harvest field of God.  I perceived they pleased God by their efforts, as I strive to please him with mine, and took courage.  I realized while we may never be complimentary to each other in this life we all strive to hear from him who matters, “well done you good and faithful servant!”  So I left there with renewed hope in all our futures because I now know “He is bigger than our mistakes!”

"It's Just A Thought"

EF

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