As you know I had a kidney transplant in September, and a recovery period for the rest of the year. That is until a family crisis forced me out of my quarantine a week and a half earlier than I planned. Since then it has been non-stop, especially this week. I have been feeling stronger but the truth is I am not strong. So the question is about balance. I do not have a lot of help to begin with and even fewer consistent help. This means I have to work with other people’s schedules. People don’t like it when you ask for help but it is convenient for you when they are available. They are like, “he doesn’t really need help, I told him I was coming by at midnight because it’s the only time I have, but he thinks that’s too late.” So the next time I ask for help they may have an attitude, so I work on their schedule if I want something done.    

The real challenge is with the faith walking people who just know you are healed by His stripes and should be walking in authority. So despite my special diet I eat what’s set before me because its the way I do it. People believe things like too much salt, grease, sugar, Tran’s fats, fat, or pepper don’t bother them, after all you are healed. I’m not supposed to eat after five or six in the evening but often that’s the time when food begins to get cooked. Now say you cooked for someone at eight who is not suppose to eat after six, your feelings still get hurt if they refuse to eat. Even though you are aware that they should not eat at that hour before you begin cooking. The refrain is often, “if I knew you were not going to eat I would not have gone through the trouble, the only reason I cooked this is for you. I could have had some cereal and be perfectly satisfied. So often I eat what I should not after I should be eating nothing at all.

Then there are the people who come around clearly fighting a cold, flu or something I clearly should not be exposed too. Yet they just have to come as close as possible to express their love. Every time someone coughs or blows their nose I have flashbacks about being in the hospital fighting for my life. I think of all the things they warned me about, the precautions to take and the care with which I must now live. One by one, I find myself ignoring them to accommodate other people. Often because I am too embarrassed to say, “ would you please cover your mouth when you do that”. You start to act like what you associate with, the other day when without thinking I started to pick my teeth at the dinner table while eating out with friends. By the time I caught myself my finger was already in my mouth.

Now I know you are probably trying to figure out  who did what, where and why but the point is we all feel like our walk with God should insulate us from certain things. But being a Christian did not keep me from being diabetic or losing the use of both my kidneys. So how is engaging in the same reckless  behavior going to keep me from losing this one.  This is what Jesus calls tempting God. Steroids I cannot do anything about but eating after nine every night is. You know God only gives you a miracle for something once, after that, it’s up to you to go and sin no more. To engage in sinful, unwise and dangerous behavior presuming upon God’s grace and mercy is a losing game.

So if you find that every once in a while I can’t accommodate you, be cool, I might just be avoiding tempting God

.” It’s just a thought!”

EF

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